TO: All Employees
FROM: The President
RE: Time of Transition

All of us here at the Schenectady Small Arms & Biscuit Co., Inc., have experienced change during our lives. Change is the only constant in life: that was said by a famous philosopher or singer-songwriter or some other sort of intellectual type. How true it is! Though I do not want to be misunderstood as suggesting that philosophers are anything but parasites. Nevertheless, change happens all the time. When I was young, I was small, but now the pants I wore when I was six no longer fit me. Change happened! The milk I put in the refrigerator last month is cottage cheese this month. Change happened! My wife used to be sixty-two years old and brunette, and now she’s twenty-eight years old and blonde. Change happened!

The point is that change happens all the time, and we should embrace change. If you fear change, then when change comes, you will be afraid. I think that goes without saying. In fact, I’m wondering why I said it.

The immediate intent of this memo, therefore, is to inform all employees that your management team will be wearing polo shirts instead of button-down shirts going forward. This transition may be difficult for some of us, and certainly for no one more than for me, since my wife has had to buy polo shirts, and she’s not very bright about sizes. But change happens, and change is necessary, and change is good, and we should not be afraid of it. To aid us in this time of transition, therefore, any employee caught mocking a member of the management team with a polo shirt that is too small for him will be subject to summary dismissal. This will reduce the fear of change in the minds of those whom it is most likely to affect.

With warmest regards,
J. Rutherford Pinckney,


  1. KevinT says:

    Funniest lines I’ve read this week:

    “My wife used to be sixty-two years old and brunette, and now she’s twenty-eight years old and blonde. Change happened!”

    Thank you, Doctor.

  2. Occasional Correspondent says:

    Will the wrist be covered even by short-sleeved polo shirts?  After all, this company declares itself to be of Small Arms. 

    Do the biscuits contribute to the smallness of the arms? one wonders . . .  One might substitute monoscuits for biscuits in the diet, scuits being known to affect limb length.

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