Posts by Dr. Boli
BORN FOR THE JOB.
It is not possible, Dr. Boli believes, to look more like the founder and president of a corset company than M. G. E. Amyot does.
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DEAR ST. AUGUSTINE.
Our friends at Serif Press have received a letter from Amazon addressed to “St. Augustine.” This was a little baffling, because St. Augustine does not live there. But the letter was indeed for St. Augustine himself:
The mystery is explained. Serif Press has recently published a very attractive edition of St. Augustine’s Confessions in the translation by Richard Challoner, the English Catholic bishop who is most famous for his revision of the Douay Bible, and Amazon supplies the printing. It seems that Amazon, identifying St. Augustine as the author, decided to reach out to him personally, ignoring his representatives at Serif Press, which is arguably a bit impolite.
The book may be found here:
Meanwhile, if any readers know where St. Augustine may be found, they might convey the message that he has a letter waiting for him at his publisher’s office.
FOR THE OUTGOING PRESIDENT.
FROM THE EDITOR’S DESK.
We here at Twist Tie Manufacturers and Wholesalers magazine would like to convey our sincere good wishes to the incoming administration. We trust that the new Secretary of Commerce will understand that the prosperity of the nation as a whole depends upon a strong and resilient twist-tie sector.
Our Paris correspondent reports that Forest Green, long dominant in the paper-coated side of the twist-tie business, is gradually being edged out by Ruby in the Paris twist-tie shows. American manufacturers are generally a year or two behind their French brethren in adopting new fashions, but it behooves them to monitor the Parisian innovations closely, as customers may soon be demanding them.
The Southern Tie & Clasp M’f’g Co. of Darien, Georgia, has quietly retired its line of Marconi brand wireless twist ties. The novel manufacturing process was, in the opinion of most wholesalers, never able to turn out a satisfactory tie, and sales failed to meet expectations.
It is a satisfaction to report that all participants in this year’s Twist Tie Trade Association conference have recovered from their injuries, and only two remain hospitalized, with expectations of a speedy discharge. Future conferences will be organized in such a way as to separate the paper-coated and plastic-coated divisions, thus, it is hoped, avoiding more unseemly brawls.
Drummers traveling the Northwest circuit report that a half-length baguette in a transparent plastic sack makes the most effective “prop” for demonstrating a complete range of twist ties. In the Southeast, however, commercial travelers are advised to respect the conservatism of the region and rely on the traditional bag of pork rinds.
Humorous anecdotes and jocularities are earnestly solicited for our column “Twisted & Tied” on the back page of every issue. Successful submissions will illuminate some aspect of the twist-tie business, will not be unnecessarily offensive, and will leave readers with a pleasant but dignified smile, which is frankly about all we can hope for from humor in this line.
From DR. BOLI’S ENCYCLOPEDIA OF MISINFORMATION,
Third Series.
Line (geometry).—Although Euclid defined a line as a breadthless length, string theory leads to the inescapable conclusion that a line is a lengthless breadth.
A NEW THEORY OF LATE-ANTIQUE ART.
Left: Portrait, probably of Arcadius, about 400 A.D., from Wikimedia Commons user Gryffindor (GNU Free Documentation License). Right: Anime image generated by StyleGAN, from Wikimedia Commons user ToaruRailgun (Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 4.0 International license).
If you look at Roman portraits from late antiquity, you will be struck by one singular characteristic. The eyes are enormous.
Theodosius the Great, from the Classical Numismatic Group, Inc., http://www.cngcoins.com, GNU Free Documentation License.
You may have noticed a similar phenomenon in Japanese cartoons, and in the American cartoons that imitate Japanese cartoons. It is Dr. Boli’s contention (which he offers to start a discussion in the art world) that these two stylistic phenomena are related.
Head of Constantine, photographed by Jean-Christophe BENOIST (GNU Free Documentation License).
These large eyes, then and now, are meant to sacrifice realism to expressiveness: they make the characters more human to the viewer. In a statue of an emperor designed to be seen from some distance, they allow the viewer to make a personal connection with the image that would not otherwise be possible. In a drawing meant to be hastily executed and printed on cheap paper, they have the same use.
Dr. Boli will put himself outside the limits of current art criticism by saying that they are also a substitute for talent. A really good artist makes the face expressive with the features at natural sizes. An artist without that talent magnifies the expressive features.
Clearly, however, once the big eyes were accepted as a technique, they became a style, adopted by the best artists as well as the mediocre ones. (We make the reasonable assumption that emperors would have their portraits done by the best artists, because there was no more honorable commission to be had.)
Dr. Boli does not know how important this observation may be to art historians or cartoon fans; but the connection between late-antique art and Japanese cartoons, if it has been made before, is at least not widely discussed. Once you have made the connection, though, you will probably find it very hard to unmake.
CORRECTION.
The advertisement for Stanfield’s Unthinkable Underwear in Thursday’s Dispatch was incorrect. It should have read “Stanfield’s Unshrinkable Underwear.” The Dispatch regrets the error, but not half as much as the late Assistant Director of Advertising does.
INSPIRATIONAL YARD SIGN.
