Posts by Dr. Boli
From DR. BOLI’S ENCYCLOPEDIA OF MISINFORMATION,
Second Series.
FCC exorcists inspect an early television receiver, 1939.
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Television. So-called “broadcast” television is not technically possible. Of the many theories proposed to account for its existence, the most plausible involves a satanic pact.
THINGS WE SIMPLY CANNOT IMPROVE.
Now that you know it exists, you will doubtless ransack antique stores and auction houses until you find this Perfect Fork Cleaner, and it will all be Dr. Boli’s fault. But take his advice and do not settle for less than the superior finish.
FROM THE ILLUSTRATED EDITION.
IN THE NEWS.
The Smithsonian revealed today that more than $380 million worth of air and space had been stolen from the famous collection of the National Air and Space Museum some time late last year. Officials had no explanation for why the theft had not been discovered earlier.
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TONIGHT AT EIGHT.
GALLERY GUIDE
Introduction.
The 2014 Duck Hollow International introduces some of the most relevant artistic voices today. These are voices that ooze relevance from every pore. They drool relevance when they sleep. Their defining characteristic is that they are more relevant than you. They expose us to new ways of understanding the world, showing us an alternative vision of life as the pursuit of grant money for childish pranks and lazy recycling of found objects. As the foremost exponents of contemporary art today, they demand our attention (see, for example, Eli “Bonkers” Johnson’s video installation, Hey, Look at Me).
For the first time this year, the International spreads beyond the stodgy galleries into unexpected spaces, such as the rest rooms next to the cafeteria. (Please be careful to distinguish the art from the fixtures.) Going beyond the museum’s walls, it engages the community with pioneering works such as The Parking-Lot Project, which replaced the white stripes in an entire suburban parking lot with yellow ones, and Pop Quiz, which replaced the entire English faculty of the Luke Ravenstahl Junior High School with crash-test dummies.
The exhibition affirms that art is essential to everyday life in all its inanity, that beauty is in the eye of the beholder if the beholder can write a proper grant proposal, and—above all—that it is the artist’s duty to make us pay attention to art whether we like it or not.
Please note that, as a courtesy to our guests, the museum’s no-snickering policy will be strictly enforced.
FROM THE ILLUSTRATED EDITION.
UNEXPLAINED PHENOMENA.
A COMMENT POLICY.
Dr. Boli was a little bit surprised by the spectacle of two frequent correspondents engaged in what came as close to a “flame war” as it is possible to imagine among such a sophisticated audience. His natural instinct in such circumstances is to duck. Nevertheless, to prevent one commenter from being unnecessarily offended by another, it might be wise to formulate a comment policy, so that the readers of this august publication may have an idea of what to expect. Such a formulation is by no means easy, because it involves knowing one’s audience, and Dr. Boli has never bothered to aim for a particular audience. Nevertheless, after due consideration, Dr. Boli has decided that the intended audience for his Magazine is responsible adults, and that therefore comments more suitable for sniggering adolescents or giggling schoolchildren may be edited or removed. Dr. Boli himself is offended by very little, but he has his more delicate readers to consider, and does not wish to be held responsible for any dangerous attacks of the vapors.