Abstract expressionist murals executed by my three-year-old son Aistulf. How many times have you looked at a large canvas in a museum and said, “Any three-year-old child could do better than that”? Now is your chance to find out. Aistulf has shown a strong talent for covering large surfaces with abstract compositions in various bright colors, his preferred medium being oil pastel on drywall. Very reasonable rates per square foot. All proceeds will be used to offset the expenses of Aistulf’s nursery-school prom and graduation party, with any excess set aside in a college-education fund. Contact Pennington T. Daub in care of this publication.

No. 1.—Acting Out Idioms & Proverbs.

Much delightful amusement may be had at parties by dividing your guests into actors and spectators and playing this very amusing game. The actors are given a series of idioms and proverbs, which they are required to act out in pantomime; the spectators must attempt to guess which idiom or proverb is represented. A few examples will suffice to demonstrate how the game may be played:

A player walks into the center of the room leading a live elephant. He stands still in the center of the room and attempts to persuade the elephant to do the same. Idiom: The elephant in the room.

An actor walks in carrying a battery-operated alarm clock from which the battery has been removed. He sets the clock before him and glances at his watch (which is set to the correct time), then at the face of the clock. He repeats these actions until the watch and the alarm clock at last read the same time; then he jumps up and down excitedly, pointing to the clock. Then he sits and waits twelve more hours, repeating the same actions as before. Proverb: A stopped clock is right twice a day.

Two actors enter, one carrying a tray of hors d’oeuvres. The one with the tray attempts to place some of the food in the mouth of the other, who bites down on the first actor’s fingers, causing howls of pain. Idiom: Bite the hand that feeds you.

Nine actors are suspended by a fraying strip of fabric over a cauldron of boiling oil. A tenth appears with a needle and thread and sews the fraying fabric to prevent it from tearing. Proverb: A stitch in time saves nine.

An actor opens a large sack suspended above the spectators, releasing a number of animals (easily obtained from a local animal shelter) to land on the heads of the amused and delighted audience. Idiom: Raining cats and dogs.

An actor leads a leopard to the center of the room and begins to scrub the animal with a sponge, giving up when he or the leopard has had enough of the charade, and pointing at the leopard’s fur while sadly shaking his head, if it is still attached to his body. Proverb: A leopard cannot change his spots.

An actor abruptly stands and leaves the room. He never comes back, and eventually the rest of the guests forget about him. Proverb: Out of sight, out of mind.