Posts by Dr. Boli
FIND THE MOST MISSPELLED WORD.
What is the most misspelled word in the English language?
It is an interesting question, and one that is harder to answer than it might appear at first glance. We should be able to use the all-knowing Internet to search for instances of misspellings, and compare the number of instances of the correct spelling. But it is not always easy to isolate the misspelling.
Dr. Boli has often suggested that the most misspelled word in the English language is led, the simple past and past participle of the verb “to lead.” It is very often spelled “lead,” by confusion with the identically pronounced metal, and by analogy with “read,” another strong verb whose change in pronunciation from present to past is exactly the same as the change from “lead” to “led.”
But how do we isolate the misspelling “lead” for the past tense from the perfectly correct spelling of the present tense? Dr. Boli has hit on one method: he searched on the phrase “has lead to,” in which “lead” is very unlikely to be meant for the present tense or (for that matter) the metal. We can probably assume that the ratio of misspelling to correct spelling in this unambiguous phrase will be just about the same as the ratio in other uses of the word. These are the results from Google:
“has lead to”: About 45,500,000 results
“has led to”: About 491,000,000 results
Can we find any other word where the ratio of misspelling to correct spelling is higher?
Here is one very unscientific “study” that picks “separate” (often spelled “seperate”) as the most misspelled word. But here are the results from Google:
“seperate”: About 37,000,000 results
“separate”: About 465,000,000 results
Close, but not as often misspelled as “led.”
How about “definitely”?
“definately”: About 34,600,000 results
“definitely”: About 432,000,000 results
So far, “definitely” is running behind. But if we add some other common misspellings of the word, it begins to pick up speed:
“definatly”: About 4,680,000 results
“definitly”: About 4,440,000 results
Adding up those three common misspellings, we come up with 43,720,000 misspelled instances against 432,000,000 correctly spelled instances—a ratio of almost exactly 1 to 10. “Definitely” wins by a nose—which is especially impressive considering that misspellings of “definitely” will trip a spelling-checker, whereas the common misspelling of “led” will not.
Provisionally, then, we may regard “definitely” as the most misspelled word in the English language. But we simply cannot leave it at that. Dr. Boli calls on all the pedants out there (and surely there must be a few pedants in Dr. Boli’s audience) to contribute to this important research project. By combining the power of our brains and our endless hours of idle leisure, we can establish once and for all which word in English is the most misspelled. Then we can take corrective action.
(A helpful searching hint: if you use Google to search for misspelled words, remember to put them in quotation marks.)
PROGRAM.
ON THIS DAY IN HISTORY.
King Edward III, regarded as one of the great negotiators of the Middle Ages.
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On this day in 1373, the Anglo-Portuguese Treaty of 1373 established the Anglo-Portuguese Alliance, the oldest alliance still in force in the world. Under the terms of the treaty, Portugal is required to supply England with port wine “for every noble household,” and the English are required to supply Portugal with a variable quantity of jellied eels. It is notable that Portugal has not claimed its share of the bargain since 1374.
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ASK DR. BOLI.
Dear Dr. Boli: Sometimes the news confuses me. For example, there’s this guy who told the newspapers that the U.S. government had a secret program that was illegally spying on Americans’ communications. The government says it isn’t doing what he said it was doing, and it also says he’s a traitor for revealing what the government isn’t doing, and that authorities are “aggressively pursuing him.” So what is he guilty of? These things confuse me. —Sincerely, Jos. R. Biden.
Dear Sir: First of all, Mr. Snowden, the “guy” of whom you speak, revealed the extent of our government’s surveillance capabilities to our enemies, such as the European Union. This alone is enough to brand him a traitor.
Second, since the government continues to deny that it is making use of those capabilities, and the private communications companies involved deny that the capabilities even exist, Mr. Snowden must have wildly exaggerated his claims in the service of some sinister political agenda of his own.
There is only one word for the use of wild exaggeration to make a political point. In plain speech, Mr. Snowden is guilty of satire. Under the provisions of the PATRIOT act, the penalty for satire is death.
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FROM THE ILLUSTRATED EDITION.
IN THE NEWS.
The United States Government’s secret envelope-steaming program, codenamed LICK, received unwelcome attention today when it was reported that the NSA’s kettles were being pushed far beyond their rated capacity. According to an anonymous whistleblower, there were originally 386 banks of kettles used to steam open first-class mail sent by U. S. citizens classified with 51% confidence as “suspicious intellectuals”; but kettles have not been replaced as they wore out or were pilfered by tea addicts on staff, and the remaining 134 banks of kettles are dangerously overheated. NSA insiders report that hundreds of thousands of birthday cards and thank-you notes are now passing through the mail unopened every day, posing unknown risks to the possibly innocent recipients. Meanwhile, civil-liberties advocates have urged the government to appoint an independent watchdog agency to oversee the independent watchdog agency that oversees the LICK program.
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CANINE THEOLOGY.
The gods provide food and open the back door, but otherwise they are not very bright.
They are divine because they walk upright and have opposable thumbs. With those advantages, the canine race would be divine as well.
Earnest prayer is required to make the food appear in the dish. It sometimes takes hours for the gods to get the message, which is why it is advisable for dogs to start praying several hours before dawn.
The loudest prayer is the most effective.
The gods are not omniscient, but somehow they always know that it was not one of them who chewed up the bedspread.
Sometimes it is necessary to chew up the bedspread, even at the risk of divine wrath.
Whereas dogs communicate by leaving postings on tree trunks and fire hydrants, the gods communicate primarily by making variously modulated sounds come out of their mouths.
The divine language is far more complicated than it needs to be to express the two fundamental concepts “FOOD” and “OUTSIDE.”
It is possible for dogs to understand some of the divine language, but it is advisable not to let the gods know the extent of our understanding.
One of the words the gods speak most frequently is “NO.” We have no idea what this means, but canine theologians are confident that they are close to decoding it.
When taking a god for a walk, it is necessary to be somewhat forceful with the leash. Left to his own devices, a god will walk right past all the interesting postings without reading them.
When the gods summon us, it is always best to ascertain first whether they have a treat to offer before obeying their summons. In that way we train them to be good and attentive divinities who always come through with the goods when they want worship.