Grab-It Rabbit convenience stores regrets to inform customers that the popular Motion Potion line of energy drinks is temporarily unavailable, owing to the FDA’s reclassification of the ingredients as hazardous waste. We have purchased a representative on the House Caffeinated Beverages Committee and expect the situation to be resolved soon, but until that time we unfortunately cannot offer any energy drinks at all, as we have not found another brand that rhymes properly.

Wanted: interpretive dancers to direct traffic in construction zones throughout the metropolitan area. Base rate $15/hour, plus bonus if you get hit by a drunk or texting driver. Apply in person, PennDOT District 11 Office. Bring own ballet slippers and hard hat.