TRANSLATE THIS.

Would you like to translate this page?” Chrome asks.

Araceae-untranslated

The page in question is simply a list of species in the family Araceae (the arum family, which includes the locally abundant Jack-in-the-Pulpit, as well as familiar ornamentals like Callas, Philodendrons, and Anthuriums) that grow in southwestern Pennsylvania.

Pushing the translate button was too great a temptation. This was the result:

Araceae-translated

Although most of these terms turn out to be the same in Latin and in English, there are some actual translations. For example, it turns out that “foetidus” is “smelly.” Good job, Google! It also turns out that the arum family in Latin is the tomato family (Solanaceae) in English. “Atrorubens,” which Dr. Boli had thought meant something like “dark red,” turns out to mean “McNeal” instead. And “Symplocarpus” means “Robinsonella,” which “is a genus of flowering plant in the family Malvaceae,” according to the omniscient Wikipedia; that is to say, a genus of plants that have nothing to do with the arum family.

The algorithms that produced these translations are probably opaque to human understanding, but it is comforting to know that the era of reliable machine translation has arrived at last.

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ONE PAGE FROM AN OTHERWISE UNKNOWN NOVEL BY HENRY JAMES.

multitudinosity, which both enervated and exhausted, and yet with a vague but defining simultaneity exalted also, charmingly struck a chiming ringing discordant wavering note. Out friend was later to remember it—insofar as memory could be said to operate upon the mere passing impression of a third-person singular neuter pronoun—as a phenomenon of change so complete that his imagination, which had worked so beforehand, if not, as well, behindhand, felt itself, in the connection, without margin or allowance. The change moreover, if it were change at all, came to, at the very least, if not indeed in its essence, represent to him the emotion of bewilderment which had, as he judged it, effected a supplantation of his quite previous indifference. The abstraction acted, he was later to recall having considered the possibility of remembering through a diaphanic mist of esthetic romance, with a more puissant energy than the character. Introspection was not, he was to believe at the time, his bête noir, his fait accompli, his plume de ma tante; but it never, as he might put it, theless was not, at the moment which was, in its spacious and lethargic way, indicated by the hands of the porcelain clock, so ornate baroque insouciant suggestive serene sinuous smooth ticky-tocky dingy-dongy on the mantel, entirely unpresent as what he should, in his usual habit of precision, have called a phenomenon. “So there you,” he earnestly declared with a fresh generosity, “are.” He seemed with that to

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REVISED INTERNATIONAL PHONETIC ALPHABET.

When it is necessary to spell out words unambiguously over a connection with poor sound quality, the International Phonetic Alphabet will be found invaluable.

Ambrose
Ballyhoo
Chesterton
Dendrobium
Emphysema
Frankenstein
Gargle
Heliotrope
Ironic
Jehosaphat
Karma
Lysistrata
Mesembryanthemum
Nonentity
Oleomargarine
Punchinello
Querulous
Ranunculus
Salmagundi
Terpsichore
Ululation
Vercingetorix
Withlacoochee
Xanthippe
Youngstown
Zymurgy

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A FRENCHMAN LOOKS AT AMERICAN RACE RELATIONS.

Our old friend Father Pitt, looking for descriptions of Pittsburgh by eighteenth-century travelers, ran across this very interesting description of the state of the Northern free blacks in the late 1700s.

It takes a Frenchman to show Americans their true faces. In the 1790s, the time of the Revolution, there was a mania in France for descriptions of the newly independent United States. This one is a Nouveau voyage dans les Etats-Unis de l’Amérique septentrionale, fait en 1788, par J.-P. Brissot (Warville), Citoyen Français; that is, New Voyage to the United States of North America, Made in 1788, by J.-P. Brissot (Warville), French Citizen. The book was published in 1791, and the name of the author was Jacques-Pierre Brissot de Warville, which sounds suspiciously aristocratic; thus, doubtless, his head-preservingly ostentatious adoption of the title Citizen.

Father Pitt, of course, was interested in the footnote that happened to mention Pittsburgh (and an abduction by pirates!); but Dr. Boli thought his historically minded readers might find the rest of the description interesting as well. This is, as far as he knows, the first appearance of this passage in English. No apology is offered for the dated racial terms, by the way, since a book has every right to be dated after 228 years, and the author is a vigorous champion of absolute racial equality.

In the four states of the North and in those of the south, the free blacks either are domestics, or keep little shops, or cultivate the land. You see some of them on ships bound for the coastal trade. Few dare to risk themselves on ships that take long-distance voyages, because they fear being transported and sold in the islands.—Physically, all these blacks are generally vigorous,* of a strong constitution, capable of the most punishing labor; they are generally active.—As domestics, they are sober and faithful.—This portrait applies to the women of that color.—I have never seen any distinction made in that regard between them and the white domestics, though these latter always treat them with contempt, as if they were of an inferior species.—Those who keep small shops live at a middle level, never increasing their business beyond a certain point. The reason for this is simple: though the blacks are treated everywhere with humanity, the whites who have money are not disposed to advance it to the blacks in such a way as to put them in a position to undertake business on a large scale. Besides, for that kind of business one must have certain prior knowledge: one must make a novitiate in a banker’s office, and reason has not yet opened the doors of the bankers’ offices to blacks. They are not allowed to sit there beside the whites.—If, therefore, the blacks here are restricted to small retail commerce, let us not accuse their impotence, but the prejudice of the whites who put fetters on them. The same causes prevent the blacks who live in the country from having extended plantations; those they do cultivate are restricted, but generally fairly well cultivated: good clothes, a loghouse or house of wood in good order, and fairly numerous children make them notable to European travelers, and the philosopher’s eye is pleased to consider these habitations, where tyranny brings forth no tears. In this part of America, the blacks are certainly happy; but let us have the courage to admit it, their happiness and their talents are not yet at that state to which they might attain. —There yet exists too great a gap between them and the whites, especially in public opinion, and that humiliating difference retards all their efforts to elevate themselves. This difference is visible everywhere. For example, blacks are admitted to public schools, but they may not cross the threshold of a college. Though free, though independent, they are still accustomed to regard themselves as beneath the white; he has rights that they have not.† Let us thence conclude that we should judge poorly of the extent and capacity of the blacks, if we took for our basis those of the free blacks of the northern states.

But when we compare them to the black slaves of the southern states, what a prodigious difference separates them! In the South, the blacks are in a state of abjection and brutishness that is hard to paint. Many are naked, malnourished, living in miserable huts, making their beds on straw. They are given no education, instructed in no religion; they are not married, but bred; thus they are degraded, lazy, without ideas, without energy. —They put no effort into having clothes or better provisions; they would rather wear rags than mend them. —They pass Sunday, which is the day of rest, entirely in inactivity. —Inactivity is their sovereign happiness; thus they work little and indifferently.

We must do justice to the truth: the Americans of the South treat their slaves well, and that is one of the effects produced by the general extension of ideas of liberty: the slave works less everywhere; but there we stop. He is no better off, either in nourishment, ot in clothing, or in morals, or in ideas; thus the master loses, without the slave’s acquiring; and if he followed the example of the Americans of the North, both would gain by the change.

When we depict the blacks of the southern states, we must make a distinction between those who are attached to the cultivation of the plantation and those who live in the house. The picture I have just given applies only to the former; the others (but they are less numerous) are generally better dressed, more active, and less ignorant.

It was generally believed until recent times that negroes had less moral capacity than whites; even reputable authors have published that opinion.** This prejudice is beginning to vanish; the northern states may furnish examples to the contrary. I shall cite only two striking examples. The first will prove that, with instruction, the blacks can be rendered capable of all the professions; the second, that the head of a negro is organized for the most astonishing calculations, and consequently for all the sciences.

I saw, during my sojourn in Philadelphia, a black named Jacques Derham, a doctor who works in New Orleans, on the Mississippi; and here is his history, such as it was attested to me by several doctors. This black was brought up in a family in Philadelphia, where he learned to read and write, and was instructed in the principles of Christianity. In his youth, he was sold to the late Dr. John Kearsley, Jr., of that city, who employed him in mixing medicines and administering them to the sick.

On the death of Dr. Kearsley, he passed through different hands, and became at last the slave of Dr. George West, surgeon of the sixteenth regiment of England, under whom, during the late war in America, he fulfilled the least important functions of medicine.

At the end of the war, Dr. West sold him to Dr. Robert Dove, of New Orleans, who employed him as his assistant. In that condition he rose so well in the confidence and friendship of his master, that the latter consented to free him two or three years later, and on moderate conditions. —Derham had brought himself to such perfection in medicine, that at the time of his liberty, he was in a condition to practice with success at New Orleans. —He is about 26 years old; he is married, but has no children; medicine brings him 3,000 dollars, or 16,000 l. in iron per annum.

“I have spoken with him,” Dr. Wistar told me, “on the maladies of fever and the epidemics of the country where he lives, and I have found him well versed in the simple method, used by the moderns in the treatment of these maladies. —I thought I might point out some new remedies to him; but he was the one who pointed them out to me. —He is modest, and has very engaging manners; he speaks French fluently, and has some knowledge of Spanish. —Though he was born in a religious family, they forgot, by some accident, to have him baptized. Consequently, he applied to Dr. Withe to receive baptism; he conferred it upon him, after having judged him worthy of it, not only by his knowledge, but also by his excellent conduct.”

Here is the other fact as it was related to me and published by Dr. Rush,†† the celebrated physician and author established at Philadelphia; and several details have been confirmed to me by the wife of the immortal Washington, in whose neighborhood this negro has lived for a long time.

His name is Thomas Fuller; he was born in Africa, and can neither read nor write; he is now seventy years old, and has lived all his life on the plantation of Mrs. Cox, four miles from Alexandria. Two respectable inhabitants of Pennsylvania, Mr. Hartshom and Mr. Samuel Coates, who were traveling in Virginia, having heard of the singular aptitude this negro had for the most complicated calculations, sent to find him, and posed various questions.

First. Asked how many seconds there were in a year and a half, he replied in two minutes, 47,304,000, counting 365 days in a year.

Second. How many seconds would a man have lived at the age of seventy years, seventeen days, and twelve hours? He replied in a minute and a half, 2,210,500,800.

One of the Americans who interrogated him and verified his calculations with the pen told him he was mistaken, that the sum was not so considerable; and that was true: it was because he had not paid attention to the leap years; he corrected the calculation with the greatest celerity.

Another question. Suppose a laborer has six sows, and that each sow bears six others the first year, and that they multiply in the same proportion up to the end of the eighth year: how many sows will the laborer have then, if he does not lose any? The old man replied in ten minutes, 34,588,806.

The length of time was occasioned only because he had not at first understood the question.

After having answered all the questions satisfactorily, he recounted the origin and progress of his talent in arithmetic. —He counted at first to 10, then to 100; and he imagined then, he said, that he was a pretty smart fellow. After that he amused himself by counting all the grains in a bushel of wheat, and soon he was able to count the number of rails or pieces of wood necessary to enclose a field of a certain extent, or the number of grains necessary to seed it. —His mistress had gained many advantages from his talent; he never spoke of her but with the greatest gratitude, because she never wished to sell him, in spite of considerable offers that had been made to her to buy him. —His head was beginning to nod. —One of the Americans having said that it was a pity he had received no education, he said, “No, master; it is better that I should have learned nothing, for plenty of wise men are nothing but fools.”

These examples doubtless prove that the capacity of the negroes can be extended to anything; they need nothing but education and liberty. —The difference that is noted between those who are free and educated and the others, is shown again in their labors. —The lands that the whites and blacks inhabit under this regime are infinitely better cultivated, produce more abundantly, and offer everywhere the image of wealth and happiness; such, for example, is the aspect of Connecticut and Pennsylvania. —Pass into Maryland or Virginia one more time, and you are in another world. There are no more well-cultivated plains, neat and even elegant country houses, vast barns well distributed; there are no more numerous troupes of fat and vigorous cattle: no, everything in Maryland and Virginia carries the stamp of slavery; burnt soil, ill-understood cultivation, dilapidated houses; small and few cattle; walking black cadavers; in a word, you see real misery side by side with the appearance of luxury.

It is beginning to be understood even in the southern states that to malnourish a slave is poor economy, and that the funds invested in slavery do not pay their interest. It is perhaps more to that consideration, and still more to the pecuniary impossibility of recruiting; it is more, I say, to these considerations than to humanity that we owe the introduction of free labor into a part of Virginia, in that part along the beautiful river Shenandoah. Thus, in seeing that part, you would think you were seeing Pennsylvania again. 

Let us hope that such will be the fate of Virginia when she is no longer soiled by slavery, and that time may not be far away. 

——

*The married blacks certainly have as many children as the whites, but it has been remarked that, in the city, more of the black children perish. This difference has less to do with their nature than with the lack of resources and care, especially of doctors and surgeons.

Were there nothing other than the aversion of the whites to the marriage of their daughters with the blacks, that sentiment alone would suffice to degrade the latter. There are, however, some examples of these marriages.

There exists at Pittsbourg on the Ohio a white woman of French origin, brought up in London, and taken, at the age of twelve years, by pirates who made a living by taking children and selling them in America to work for a fixed time. —Certain singular circumstances caused her to marry a negro who bought her freedom, and who took her out of the hands of a white man, a barbarous and libidinous master, who had done everything he could to seduce her. —A mulatta produced by that union married a surgeon from Nantes who had established himself in Pittsburgh. —This family is one of the most respectable in that city; the negro runs a very good business, and the mistress of the house makes it her duty to receive and give good treatment to foreigners, and especially to French people whom chance has brought that way.

But there is no notion of such a union in the North; it would be shocking.—In the establishments along the Ohio, there are many negresses who live unmarried with whites. —I was assured, however, that this union is regarded in an ill light by the negroes themselves. If a negress has a quarrel with a mulatta, she reproaches her with being of mixed blood.

**I have already several times refuted this opinion, and especially in my Critical examination of the Voyages of M. Chatellux. It has moreover been demolished in a host of excellent works.

††This doctor is also famous in America for his good political writing. He is an indefatigable apostle of liberty.

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NON MULTUM SED MULTA is the motto of the International Association of Polymath Dilletantes, and if you can just about piece together what it means with the help of a lexicon and Allen & Greenough’s Latin grammar, you are probably an ideal candidate for membership. The only organization of its kind, our Association is dedicated to a shallow acquaintance with a broad range of arts and sciences. Join now and receive a FREE ceramic ashtray OR crocheted potholder OR macaroni painting OR Spenserian sonnet (our choice). Write to the IAPD in care of this publication for our free brochure, “101 Things You Didn’t Know About 101 Things.”

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IN KING SOLOMON’S COURT.

SOLOMON. Wait a minute. Are you writing that down? Why are you writing that down?

SCRIBE. O greatest of kings, live forever: thou hast commanded that thy proverbs be compiled in a book.

SOLOMON. But that wasn’t a proverb. It was just a thing I said.

SCRIBE. O son of David, live forever: as honey drips from the comb, so drip the words of wisdom from thy lips.

SOLOMON. But all I said was “A faithful witness will not lie, but a false witness will utter lies.” I mean it’s just obvious. It’s what “false witness” means.

SCRIBE. O holy Anointed One of God, live forever: by thy brilliant light, thou makest the dark and obscure to seem plain as day.

SOLOMON. But, for Pete’s sake, do they all have to go into the book? Can’t you edit it down a bit?

SCRIBE. O mighty ruler of all from the River to the Great Sea, live forever: not a drop of thy wisdom shall perish from the record.

SOLOMON. Why do you have to be such a stubborn old coot? Whoever provokes a king to anger sins against his own soul, you know. —Wait a minute! Are you writing that down? Why are you writing that down?

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SOMETHING NO LINGUIST WOULD SAY TODAY.

Here are two short paragraphs from the introductory chapter of A Comparative English-German Grammar by Elias Peissner (Schenectady: G. Y. Van de Bogert, 1853).

Vowels (and diphthongs) will sound a little more open before certain consonants. The cause of it lies in the nature of the transition from the vowel to the consonant. Compare, for instance, the sounds et, it, ut, üt, ot, öt with er, ir, or, ör, im, um, om, öm, in, un, on, ön, ong, ung, ink and you cannot but see the change.

Therefore learn only the primitive sounds well and leave the rest to nature. If you should learn thus to pronounce German more purely, than we ourselves pronounce it, think not that we blame you for it; no, no, we rather admire you and are ourselves ashamed of our carelessness.

No linguist would say a thing like that today, and especially not one who writes in English. English linguists have accepted the principle of description-not-prescription as a matter of religious dogma. Webster’s Third New International makes no distinction between the pronunciations of bidder and bitter, which sounds like giving in to utter carelessness. (Interesting to note that the Merriam-Webster web site has retreated from this extremism.)

Because of this dogma, we make learning to read a dreadful chore for our children, because we insist that they learn to divorce spelling from pronunciation, making the written symbols an utterly arbitrary code to be memorized, rather than transcriptions of a small number of sounds whose universality makes learning to interpret them a simple matter. This is the secret of the alphabet, one of the most marvelous inventions in human history.

We are also accelerating the already dizzying pace of change in our language. If we teach careless pronunciation as the norm, then of course carelessness will deviate from that norm, and that will create a new norm, which in turn will have to be taught as the norm, and so on. The English language is already changing at a more prodigious rate than at any time since the Tudor age; is it really necessary to accelerate the change?

Dr. Boli, however, has made an observation. What Prof. Peissner said about Germans is equally true of American English-speakers, as long as we except professional linguists and lexicographers. If you learn to pronounce long and short vowels carefully, and make clear distinctions between consonants, you may not sound quite like an ordinary American, but Americans will think you sound better than an ordinary American. If you are in charge of teaching English to children or other foreigners, you might consider that observation and do your students a big favor.

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FATHER PITT’S RECENT ENDEAVORS.

Our old friend Father Pitt, whose ultimate ambition is to let nothing in Pittsburgh escape his camera, has been experimenting with a simpler site designed to load very quickly and, more importantly, not to bog down your browser with advertising, the way his old site has been doing more and more as a certain blogging service scrambles for more and more pennies. Since he has been experimenting for a few months, and has filled the very auspicious number of thirteen pages with new photographs, he asked Dr. Boli to make an official announcement that, for the moment, he is publishing at a new location:

Father Pitt’s New Location

The newer site is hosted on a free server, so there is always the chance that Old Pa Pitt’s host could yank the rug out from under him, so to speak, leading to a very comical but very annoying silent-movie pratfall. For now, however, this is where Father Pitt will be.

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