DO NOT IMMERSE product in water.

Do not hit self on head repeatedly with product.

Do not set product on fire indoors.

Do not feed product to wolves.

Do not stand directly under product if product is falling from a great height.

Do not board rear car of a Red Line train during rush hour if you intend to get off at Fallowfield. This has nothing to do with product, but will save you a great deal of trouble.

Do not expose product to light of waning gibbous moon. Please. For your family’s sake.

Do not eat product without Dijon mustard.

GUARANTEE: If you are killed or maimed by product within thirty days of purchase, return unused portion with store receipt for pro-rated refund.