Posts by Dr. Boli
ASK DR. BOLI.
Hey! I know this is kinda off topic but I was wondering if you knew where I could locate a captcha plugin for my comment form?
I’m using the same blog platform as yours and I’m having problems finding one?
Thanks a lot! —SEO Cardiff [note that Dr. Boli has removed external links for security reasons].
Dear Sir or Madam: Get off at the Wood Street subway station and walk up Sixth Avenue past Trinity churchyard and the Duquesne Club. Cross Smithfield Street. Just past the Brooks Brothers store on the left is a tiny alley, eternally shaded by skyscrapers, with a street sign identifying it as Montour Way. Turn left into this alley and walk back through the gloom of centuries to a tiny and immemorially old brick rowhouse on your right, identified by a green ribbon on its door-handle. Knock three times at this door, pause, and knock four times more. When the door opens a crack, announce that you have come to see Al about a captcha. You had better spell it out—C-A-P-T-C-H-A—because if the man at the door misunderstands you, you may end up with something you did not expect. Make sure you bring unmarked bills, none larger than a twenty.
MOST DANGEROUS TOYS FOR CHILDREN.
Danger may lurk in the most innocuous-looking playthings. A report from the National Consumer Information Agency warns parents that these toys in particular may pose unacceptable hazards to young children, and recommends buying them for children you don’t like.
Adventure Boys brand Old Pioneers Log Cabin Kit. Logs in 1:1-scale model may be dropped on feet.
Pretorius Scientific Novelties Junior Wizard Chemistry Set. Includes potentially unstable chemicals. Fortunately, most lots were destroyed in a mysterious warehouse explosion last Saturday.
Junior Thrill Seekers Complete Chainsaw-Juggling Outfit with Three Working Chainsaws. Strangulation hazard: small children may become entangled in starter cords.
Masterpiece brand Introduction to Calligraphy Art Set. Children may write inappropriate messages to one another with included pens and ink on included parchment paper.
Marvel of the Ages Oracular Fun Board. Children may be possessed by demons.
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CORRUPT A YOUNG MIND TODAY
The Crimes of Galahad, now available in paperback or for Kindle.
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W. W. B. D. — WHAT WOULD BAUCHER DO?
The Crimes of Galahad, now available in paperback, for Kindle, or for Nook.
IN LEGAL NEWS.
The Law Offices of Rufinus and Rufinus are delighted to announce that Mr. Martin Rufinus, Esq., has been reinstated to the bar again, and will therefore not be forced to reveal which prominent local judge he happened to see sharing an intimate dinner for two with a known cabaret singer at the Common Plea.
The corporate-law firm of Rippin, Bingley, and Pratt announces that, for the entire month of December, all attorneys on the second through thirty-seventh floors of the Rippin, Bingley, and Pratt Building will be on sale for 10% off the regular hourly rate.
As the holiday season approaches, won’t you consider giving generously to the Public Defenders’ Legal Defense Fund? Your donation may be all that stands between an indigent public defender and a Thanksgiving spent in jail for contempt of court.
Be it known that the honorable Judge Melvin Rattle of Superior Court does hereby and herewith inform the metropolitan legal community that the word “balderdash” will no longer be tolerated in his courtroom, and this means you, Pratt.
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WHAT DO YOU GIVE THE CAD WHO HAS EVERYTHING?
The Crimes of Galahad, now available in paperback, for Kindle, or for Nook.
NOTICE
From Your Department of Homeland Security.
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All patriotic citizens are reminded that, under Section 28, Subsection 4, Paragraph 192 of the PANIC Act, whispering is prohibited, regardless of the content of the communication. If you have something innocent to communicate, there can be no possible objection to allowing the rest of us to hear it. Your cooperation will help us protect honest Americans from terrorism and dissent.
Citizens are also reminded that, under Section 28, Subsection 6, Paragraph 312 of the same Act, it is forbidden to mention having read or received this Notice.
FROM THE ILLUSTRATED EDITION.
THE CRIMES OF GALAHAD.
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Update: Now available for Kindle or for Nook.
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Every year, thousands of new books are published. But how few of those books are worth reading! Or, to put it another way, how few of those books are written by Dr. Boli!
Dr. Boli has long lamented the dearth of good fiction in modern publishing, and very sensibly came to the conclusion that, if he wanted a novel worth reading, he would have to write it himself.
That book, easily the most eagerly anticipated production of the literary season, is now available to you, the discerning public, at a very reasonable price.
The Crimes of Galahad is a new novel destined to stand with the works of Henry Fielding, Nathaniel Hawthorne, and Amanda McKittrick Ros as a permanent contribution to the literature of the English-speaking world. In it, Dr. Boli has not been afraid to plumb the darkest depths of the human soul.
Galahad Newman Bousted dedicates his life to evil at a young age. But will he succeed in his pursuit of pure wickedness, or will he be seduced by the many temptations to do good that stand in his way? Will he really carry out the monstrous crimes he has plotted? Can he possibly get away with them?
“Gripping.” —Industrial Vise & Grip Weekly.
“Shocking!” —Electrical Workers’ Local No. 278 Newsletter.
“Longer than Frankenstein, but shorter than Moby-Dick.” —Word Count Illustrated.
ASK DR. BOLI.
Dear Dr. Boli: I know that the centigrade or “Celsius” scale of temperature measures from 0 at the freezing point to 100 at the boiling point of water. But what does the Fahrenheit scale measure? It seems queer that the freezing point of water is at 32 and the boiling point is at 212. What kind of scale is that? Why didn’t Fahrenheit use a simple decimal scale? —Sincerely, Lambert Cirrus, Chief Meteorologist, Dumont Ten O’Clock News.
Dear Sir: The Fahrenheit scale of temperature was originally designed to measure and predict the behavior of Mrs. Fahrenheit. Concordia Fahrenheit was a hardy soul and not averse to bundling up in the winter, but there was a certain temperature below which, no matter how many layers of coats, sweaters, gloves, and boots she wore, she became simply impossible to live with. This point Dr. Fahrenheit marked as 0 on his scale. Likewise, in the summer, she was not bothered much by moderate heat, but there was a point beyond which she could not be pushed, and excessively hot weather made her short-tempered and cross. Dr. Fahrenheit marked the point at which this transition occurred as 100. Between these two extremes, Mrs. Fahrenheit was as sweet-tempered a companion as any husband could wish for, but above or below that range the change in her mood was sudden and violent. Thus you can see that Dr. Fahrenheit did in fact use a centigrade scale to measure temperature, but very reasonably decided to refer it to something of far more moment to him personally than the exceedingly dull changes in the state of water.
THE WISDOM OF GALAHAD NEWMAN BOUSTED.
Cultivated pearls from the book The Crimes of Galahad, now available in print, for Kindle, or for Nook.
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To persist in evil requires dedication and perseverance. At every step, the temptations to do good are numerous, and at times nearly overwhelming.
The truly evil man, which is to say the enlightened man, does not prize continence for its own sake; but any virtue may be a tool in the pursuit of that which he desires. This is an important principle that every aspiring evildoer ought to take to heart: the truly evil man does not hesitate to practice virtue when doing so conduces to his advantage.
The appearance of piety can be of great use in promoting an evil scheme.
I do not recall a single novel in which the action was confined to repeated sales of identical commercial goods.
Money can buy the satisfaction of almost any lust, whereas lust almost invariably eats up money. To the young man pursuing a life of wickedness, I have this advice to give: always put greed before lust when indulging your petty sins.
Nothing so effectually robs a man of his wickedness as this insidious passion: though lust be accounted a sin, it too often proves a cunning trap that pulls a man inexorably downward, away from his true self-interest, and toward that disinterested sort of love that desires the good of its object. The wickedest man in the world, giving in to his lust, may find himself positively virtuous before he knows it.
What a strange thing it is that a man who, in the eyes of all society, would be condemned as a vicious criminal if he ravished an unmarried woman, can be, by a few words spoken in a church, made into a paragon of virtue, with the uncontested right to ravish the same woman whenever he pleases!
By what defective reasoning was I induced to love virtue, when vice carried off every prize? I have but one defense, which is that the misconception that virtue is of all things most desirable is inculcated in us from our earliest years. Nor would I make any alteration in that education, for now I see clearly the utility of it. For one who has given his life over to wickedness, nothing is more necessary than that the great mass of mankind should believe in virtue. In any jungle there must always be many more prey than predators. Therefore I applaud virtue; I give it my highest commendation whenever I meet with it; I lend it all possible aid and encouragement; I fatten it up, so that it shall in time fatten me up.
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