Posts filed under “Books & Literature”

THIS IS A REAL BOOK.

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Doubtless the printer could find no author better qualified. This book is a relic of a curious fact of history: on those rare occasions when the Thames froze over, Londoners would make a holiday of it and set up booths on the ice to sell each other things, such as souvenir books about famous frosts of history.

But what happened if the ice broke and some unfortunate soul fell through? As we learn from this book, Londoners reacted the way they have always reacted in an emergency: they laughed themselves silly at the expense of the victim.

We note in passing that this is part of the collection called “The Eighteenth Century,” which we have mentioned before. It is still rapidly expanding, with 119,222 items as of this writing, almost every one of which is labeled as being in “Middle English.” This means that, of the items in the Internet Archive labeled as Middle English, the number that are not from the 1700s is so tiny as to be insignificant. Of that tiny number, a significant percentage, possibly a majority, are modern sound recordings that will probably be taken down soon for copyright reasons. It is likely that we shall soon have to find an alternative term to describe the language we used to call Middle English, and Dr. Boli is accepting suggestions.

WRITING PROMPT.

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Do you want to write a Gothic novel? Here is your writing prompt, from the portfolio of a local architect:

“The difficulty of raising an autistic or special needs child is what to do as they grow older.  For this family, the solution was to give their autistic son space of his own in the attic.”

Take it from there.

MAKING LIFE BETTER FOR OUR ROBOT FRIENDS.

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You may have noticed that artificial intelligence has reached its tentacles into the robot-scam-call business. We use the term “intelligence” rather loosely, of course. Still, there are robot callers designed to fool the unwary into thinking that they are speaking to a human being. And since the calls are being recorded, there is some chance that someone will listen to the recordings, possibly for technical reasons or possibly out of sheer boredom.

Now, you could complain about the constant interruptions, or you could decide that this is your chance to make the world a more entertaining place. If you are being recorded, after all, why should your conversation with the robot be dull and predictable? Dr. Boli has written out a few very short playlets for the dramatically inclined. He hopes his readers will take inspiration from them and compose their own dramas for the appreciative robot audience. Together we can turn our minor annoyances into performance art.

You. Hello.

Robot. This is Anna from the Senior Advisors. How are you doing today?

You. Thanks for calling, Anna. I need advice, but I’m only a sophomore.

(Long pause.)

Robot. Hello.

Robot. Hello?

You. Gheshz.

Robot. Hello?

You. Xhbasfuyr.

Robot. Can you hear me now?

Robot. Hello.

You. Hello.

Robot. This is Stacy from Senior Advisors. How are you today?

You. I have seen too deeply into the blank chaos of eternity to relish the temporary pleasures of mundane existence.

Robot. Great! The reason for the call is…

Robot. Hello.

You. Thank heaven you called! Listen, be careful what you say. I think we’re being recorded.

Robot. This is Elsie from Smart Alarms. How are you doing today?

You. I think it would be better if we spoke in code. Arches fall when Wendover smiles on the turkey.

Robot. Are you the homeowner?

Robot. Hello?

You. This is Emma from Senior Advisors. How are you today?

Robot. Can you hear me now?

BECOMING DONE, BY SAMUEL HAZO.

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At the age of 95, Samuel Hazo is still relatively young (relative to Dr. Boli, that is), but he has been in the poetry business for a while now. He has never been better. This new collection of new poems is Hazo, the former Poet Laureate of Pennsylvania, in peak form. Wistful, satirical, angry, delighted, grieving, contemplative—here we meet Samuel Hazo in every mood. Most of his poetry is written in a kind of three-beat blank verse, but we find him switching effortlessly to a rhymed light verse that nevertheless carries a heavy weight of wisdom. And in every poem, Hazo seems to be talking directly to us. His poetry is always conversational, never showing the careful and laborious revision that went into making it seem spontaneous and effortless. Here is a book that proves what Dr. Boli has always suspected: poetry is wasted on the young.

Find Becoming Done at Amazon.